It's not easy for me to go public with my struggle with excess weight. I don't know why I should have a problem with writing about it where others can read, because it's something that I can't hide. It goes with me wherever I go. It goes with me to the grocery store, to church, and when I take out my trash to the dumpster. Everywhere I go, I am wearing my fat. My clothes can't hide it. It is obvious.
It's probably more obvious to others than it is to me. I avoid full length mirrors. I think I look pretty good from the neck up. But even mirrors can be deceiving, because we only look about 1/2 of our actual size in a normal mirror. That means I only see half of what others see. When I see a photo of me, then I am more aware of how I must look to others. It is very disheartening.
I've been trying unsuccessfully to lose weight. It's taken me nine months to lose 17 pounds. It's not easy because I can't exercise like I'm supposed to in order to lose weight. But, Lord knows, I need to get this fat off so that I don't die young and so I can live my life in the purpose that God designed me to do.
I've joined a group of 12 who are going on a 12 week journey to change our lives. It is not so much about diet, or even losing weight, but it's about eating right, living well, and loving God. And our leader says we can't just stick our toe in the water, we have to jump in and participate.
We also are required to weigh in and publicly post our weight and other statistics. This is not something I want to do, but who am I kidding? Other people SEE this fat. I might as well bite the bullet and take the plunge.
Height 5' 9"
Weight 263
BMI -according to a chart, not any way to correctly measure = 39, category obese.
B/P 116/63
I think I weight more than anyone else in the group. Dear Lord, please help me!
I wish you the best of luck with your goals. I have also been on a weight loss journey this year. I am also 5'9" and weighed 203 pounds in May. I have lost over 44 lbs. so far, weighing in at 159 on Wednesday. It's hard. It took me about 2 months to really get started losing weight. I have had to change my views of food's importance (which was, and is, a challenge), and learn portion control (which I'm still working on). Also, will power plays a huge part in my dieting. I have to stop myself and think, "Am I really hungry right now, or am I bored/restless/etc.?" I know this doesn't help you, but, before I started losing weight it seemed like the most impossible thing in the world. Having never been below 177 in my adult life, I had no concept of what I was doing. I still fear being thin, and the closer I get to my goal, the scarier it gets. Anyway, I'm rambling... it's late, I've had two sleeping pills and just stumbled across your blog. So, good luck to you, my friend.
ReplyDeleteMatthew Ward
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