Day 20 - Monday - another battle but the war isn't over

Last night, before I went to bed, I weighed.  I had gained five pounds since morning. UGH!

This morning I weighed two pounds less, 261, but still 2-1/2 pounds over what I had maintained for three days.

For some reason, I cannot even remember breakfast.  I remember eating half a banana.  And then I got side tracked.  The skillet that  I was going to use to scramble my egg is still waiting.

Other things I ate today

Lemon yogurt 6 oz                                              170 calories 
1/2 Marie Calendars frozen dinner                       250 calories
Peanuts - about 1 oz                                           160 calories
1/2 Marie Calendars frozen dinner                       250 calories
juice  (combination of fruit juices)                        120               
1/2 lemon yogurt                                                   85 calories
1 slice pineapple                                                   35
6 oz plain yogurt                                                   90
1/2 banana (mentioned above)                              55

Total Calories                                                  1215

Here is how I understand the calorie vs. weight loss to work.  Multiply your weight by 11.
260 X 11 = 2,860.  That's how many calories it takes to maintain my weight.

When I eat less than 2,860 calories my body takes notice. When I have accumulated a total deficit of 3,000, whether through exercise or diet,  I lose a pound.  According to that formula, I should lose a pound approximately every two days.

However, also according to that formula, I ate 15,000 calories over and above 2,860 calories on Sunday. But that is impossible!  I ate half a TV dinner today and was full, so I stopped eating.  I ate the other half later for another meal.  There is no way I could force 17,860 calories of food into my body in one day! I would burst open.

I'm still not eating as well as I should. I got plenty of dairy with the yogurts. I had two fruit servings with the banana and juice.  I had carrots and broccoli in the frozen dinner. I had protein in the yogurt, the chicken in the dinner and I had carbs in the yogurts and in the noddles in the dinner.  I am lacking in fruit and vegetable servings.  Need to eat more raw foods. Somedays I feel lazy, and today was one of those days. I worked on laundry, writing, and other things around the house.  I should have taken the time to make a salad or prepare some other vegetables and fruits.

Paul talks about waring with the flesh. "For I find this law at work: when I want to do good, evil is right there with me.  For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind . . . "  Romans 7: 21-23a,b

Thank God, we have forgiveness and tomorrow is a new day.

Day 19 - Sunday - A wonderful day, but did I choose to eat wisely?

Today was a wonderful day.  The worship at church was wonderful. Two people wandered into the building after church was over. We offered them pastries and coffee, and made acquaintances. The lady reached to me for a hug.  During our talk, I saw tears brimming in her eyes. I said I noticed her tears. She told of her recent losses. The person with her (not related) had also had deaths in the past week. They had to leave, but she asked me for another hug.  I hugged and blessed her.  And invited her and the other person back.

Went to the hospital to see a neighbor recently diagnosed with acute leukemia. What a blessing to be in her presence. She has been in the hospital three weeks, is taking very strong chemo, yet she radiated with the love of Jesus. What a precious lady. What a privilege to visit her and pray with her.

Someone at church noticed I had lost weight.  I was told it showed in my neck and across my shoulders. I thought that was odd, but nice that someone noticed a change in size. Maybe what they noticed was now my neck is wrinkled. Maybe they were too nice or too embarrassed to say, "I see your backside is not the size of an air craft carrier anymore."  Probably would made a good destroyer.  ha!

Yes, the day was good. However, my eating choices were not so good.

For breakfast I had
1/2 banana,                                                                         55 calories
1 slice healthy nut bread,                                                    110 calories
2 slices roasted white turkey breast lunch meat                     60
water                                                                                      _____
Total                                                                                 225 calories

Went to church where coffee and pastries were displayed.
Ate 1/4 oatmeal cookie
1 small brownie
                                                                 Approx           100 calories


Lunch
McDonalds fish sandwich  I only ate
1/2 half of the bun. The sandwich was NOT
tasty. It was greasy and gave me indigestion. UGH!        420 calories
(I deducted 50 calories for not eating 1/2 of bun)
I did not know how many calories were in the fish

sandwich until I got home and researched it. If I had
known how high in calories and how bad in taste,
I would not have made that choice.
water

Supper
1 slice pizza   med size slice  
it was pretty tasteless so I added
hot pepper cheese and some parmesan
Probably a zillion calories, but I really don't know

6 oz lemon yogurt                                                         170 calories
1/2 banana                                                                      52 calories
unknown amounts of shelled peanuts

Total of everything but pizza and peanuts                       967 calories

Let's hope the pizza and peanuts did not
exceed 533 calories, but they probably did.

I only drank water except for one glass of diluted juice.
I had no vegetables, not even a pickle on a sandwich.
I had two servings of fruit plus the fruit juice.


I did not eat well today. My body deserves good food. It is hard to eat away from home on a limited budget. Fast food is pretty much nasty food.

Tomorrow is a new day. I will get back on track
then.
I hope I have maintained my weight.
Father, please forgive me for not eating well. Thank you for the joyful encounters I had at church and the hospital and with my neighbors.

Day 18 - Saturday - Have I reached a milestone on my goal?

So far this week I've lost 1-1/2 pounds and holding. I'm under 260!  Weighing in at 258.5 lbs. I've been there before but it didn't take.  So waiting until Wednesday at check in to see if I have maintained my goal of getting and staying under 260.

Church starts earlier than usual in the morning, so I'll keep this short and get back with you tomorrow.  We will see if I can maintain this weight through Sunday festivities.


May all of you have a blessed Lord's day.

Persevere!

Day 17- Fri. Too Big For My Britches (or Not ?) Part 2

 Two Big for My Britches (or Not?)  Part 2

Yesterday I told you the story of having a blowout in the seat of my jeans, not being able to find jeans that fit, and then at last, finding jeans at a Lee Brand store in an outlet mall in Georgia.

I enjoyed the jeans the rest of the winter and spring, but it has been very hot here in the old southwest this summer. Thus, I had not worn my jeans in a couple of months.

Yesterday, Thursday, I needed to run some errands. I pulled the favored Lee jeans out of the closet and put them on.  Much to my amazement they were very loose!   Verrrrry loose!

But, I wore them anyway. After all, they are still fairly new.  By the time I arrived home my jeans were riding "low."

LOOK MOM!  I'm not too big for my britches!  My britches are too big for me!

Mom is not here to look, but I feel like the kid who is riding her bike and hollering, "Look Mom, no hands!"

I felt the seat of my pants after I came home and they were saggy. Maybe if I put on a baseball cap backwards I could fit in with the local boys around here. I unfastened the front of the jeans and pulled them around to just see how much too big they are.  Would you believe that the distance from the button hole to where the button touches the waist band is four inches?  I have lost four inches since February!  Woo Hooooooooooo! 

Four inches in the waist may not seem like a lot in seven months. Twenty pounds may not seem like a lot in seven months. And three pounds in two weeks may not seem like much progress either.  But nevertheless, it is progress.

This is very encouraging. Very. I now realize that some things fitting differently is not my imagination, nor caused by the heat of the dryer ruining the elastic. I'm actually getting smaller.

Because I really like those jeans I'm going to wash them and dry them in a hot dryer and hope they shrink to fit. But even if they don't, I am not going back to the size I was. I want to live to be able to do the things I am called by God to do, and I need a healthy body to do that.

You know what the most wonderful thing is about all of this?  That I was loved unconditionally by my Father God when I weighed my heaviest weight. When I was my fattest, I was still loved by him. And I was still loved by some others too.  You may be one of them. 

I'm so thankful for the Lord's great patience with me. His mercy, his loving kindness is forever and ever.  Praise his holy name.

Father, please help me to stay my course, to make wise decisions about what I eat, and to take better care of my body, the temple of the Holy Spirit. Thank you, Lord.  Amen

Day 16 - Thurs - Too Big For My Britches Part 1

 TOO BIG FOR MY BRITCHES

Seems that I remember as a child when someone had an "attitude" that an adult would say, "Somebody is getting too big for their britches."  In parent speak that meant you were walking on dangerous ground and you better straighten up with an attitude adjustment - - punishment would be the next course of action.

I truly WAS too big for my britches in December. My mother died and then two days later my sister's husband died, both in the same state. I had to fly to another state to attend the funerals. On the airplane I wore my most comfortable jeans, the ones that weren't so tight I had to go into contortions to get them buttoned and zipped. They were dark navy, soft, and so comfortable. It was very cold that morning. I sat in the bulkhead - the seat closest to the front door. I heard one of the attendants say they needed to turn off the heat.  Cold air from outside had been pouring inside the door as people loaded onto the plane - then they turned off the heat!  I was cold, and so wore my coat inside the plane to Atlanta.

At the Atlanta airport it was so cold that the employees working behind the desks at the gates had on heavy coats, gloves, hats and some even had on earmuffs. I had no idea why there was no heat in the building. I was shaking from the cold. I went to one of the stores and bought a heavy, pink, hoodie with Atlanta printed on the front. I put that on over my clothes, and then my coat on top of that. My coat came down to below my hips. (This information will be useful later.)  ha!

That evening we had my mother's viewing, then the family had a celebration of her life at a restaurant. Of course, I was not dressed in jeans, I was dressed appropriately.

The next day was Sunday and mother's funeral. After the funeral and burial was over and we all got back to the motel, most of the family headed for their respective homes, except for me and my family. We went to our rooms to change into comfortable clothes so we could go out to eat.

When the guys showed up at my room, I was dressed in my favorite, comfortable jeans and a sweater.  Then one of them said, "Oh, Mom!  You can't wear those jeans, you've got a big hole in the back."

I felt around in the general area of my backside, but couldn't feel any holes. "There is a long rip next to your hip pocket. You've got to change. You can't go anywhere with us looking like that!"  My sons lamented.

I went into the bathroom, and tried to see my rear in the mirror, but I couldn't see anything ripped. I couldn't feel anything ripped. But, not wanting to embarrass my family, I took the only other pair of jeans I had - the ones I had to practically "melt and pour myself into" pair of black jeans into the bathroom to change.  When I took off the ripped pair, I still couldn't see the rip at first.  But then there it was, between  the hip pocket and the middle seam . . . a long rip. The denim was a stretch denim. The cotton had ripped, but the stretchy stuff was like a webbing between the gap. (But you could see through the webbing!) My hand never felt that far over. And I would have never seen it if I hadn't looked for it!

My gronies!  How long had I been walking around with my underwear shining through a rip in my jeans? Had I gone to Braums and other places around home dressed like that?  Did it happen on the plane? When I got to Augusta and it was too hot to wear my coat, did I walk around with my . . . ?  Oh, this was terrible!

The next day my son took me to my sister's home three hours away on his way back to Florida. Her husband's funeral was the following day. But eventually, I had to wear something besides funeral clothes, and the only choices I had were a pair of jeans that had had a rear end blowout and a pair that were extremely tight. I wore the blowouts around her house, and wore the pair that looked "sprayed on the body" when going outside her home.  My sister commented that she could never wear jeans that tight and why would I wear such tight jeans in public?  She didn't understand. They were all I had.  I had tried to find jeans to fit me back home, but they had changed the style and nothing fit! Nothing! I couldn't get my derriere and my fat thighs into any of the new style jeans!

That girl took me to every fat ladies store in the area, trying to find jeans to fit me. She took me to Walmart, and K-mart.  She took me to the mall. There were no jeans to fit this body.  None. I did buy some lovely velour slacks and jackets. So that is what I wore most of the time I was there.

 But I wanted JEANS!  We ordered a pair of Lee jeans over the internet based on my measurements and their description. They made me look like the cable guy - you know the one - whose jeans ride way too low and he is mooning you while he is working on the TV. I had to send them back.  Very, very discouraging!

But then we had a breakthrough!

We spent a day shopping with my sister's friends, which included a trip to an outlet store in a town about 40 miles away. We shopped at several stores there and found some pretty blouses for me, but no jeans. Then we went into the Lee's outlet store!  I found my jeans!  Yes, they fit properly at the waist, the hips, the thighs and the knees! I had to get a tall size, but was deliriously happy to find jeans that fit!  They quickly became my favorites.

For the rest of this story - tune in tomorrow. Same station. Whatever time you desire.

Wednesday -Day 15- Weigh in Day

I think I need new scales!  I have digital scales that show the weight within 0.5 pound. I guess these things wear out, because now I can weigh . . . step off the scales . . . step back on . . . and gain 2 pounds!  Something is wrong with that!  Breathing air for 10 seconds should NOT cause me to gain weight!  I know we have polluted air, but this is ridiculous.

Here's hoping that the 260# barrier has been broken!  Weighed 260 yesterday and today. That's three pounds less than when I started 2 weeks ago. That's twenty pounds less than what I weighed in February. Slow progress, but still progress.  If I lose just 1-1/2 pounds a week for a year I will weigh 78 pounds less. That would put me under 200 pounds!  That would be fabulous.

I ate a whole bag of "healthy" (low fat, low salt, low sugar) popcorn tonight. I hope it didn't ruin my progress.

Please, Lord, let this be a true weight loss and not a fluke of my wishy washy scales.

For those who are praying for me. Thank you!

Persevere!

Day 14 Tuesday

I'm eating less!  I'm finding pleasure not just in a couple of tiny bites of  Jello dark chocolate mousse TEMPTATIONS, but in smaller portions of other things. Lemon custard yogurt at Braum's is soooooooooo delicious. But I don't have to eat the whole 6 ounce up - 170 calories - at once. I can eat a few bites and savor the smooth and creamy texture; the tart but sweet, lemon flavor. Then, put the rest back in the refrigerator for later.  I can enjoy it several times a day - and never eat more than that one little 6 oz cup.

Maybe someday I'll be able to handle ice cream in my freezer without it seducing me into eating a whole pint of it, or worse, even MORE, in one day.

Reasons for eating ice cream or any frozen treat -
1) I like the feel of cold in my mouth and throat
2) I enjoy the flavor
3) I want the feel and the flavor to continue, so I eat more
4) I'm bored
5) I'm stressed
6) It doesn't taste as good as I thought it would, so I eat more, hoping that will change

Probably no one else but me eats anything for the last reason, but then, maybe someone does.

How I am changing the need to eat ice cream or frozen treats:

1) When I am craving something cold, I drink diluted fruit juice or water with ice in the glass.

2)  I can enjoy the flavor of just a couple of bites.     Yummy!

3) Eating more is NOT going to make it taste better.  My taste buds get numb very quickly. So, if it doesn't have a taste or doesn't taste good - stop eating!

4) When I was a kid and made the unfortunate decision to inform my mother that I was bored, she had a remedy. She put a scrub brush in one of my hands, a bucket of soapy water in the other hand, and told me that since I was bored, I needed to scrub the porch. I learned very quickly not to let her know I was bored. She never said, "Oh, you poor little thing. You are bored. Have some ice cream!"  HA!  No way!  No wonder I was always fit and trim.

So, if I am bored, I need to change what I'm doing and find something else to do - like scrub the bathroom, fold the laundry, write a letter to my senator, go outside and sit in the sun for a while, pull a few weeds, read my bible, create something, do anything but stuff food in my face.

5) If I am stressed I don't have to eat to stuff my feelings down. I can decide what my feelings are - sadness, anger, anxiety, disappointment, rejection? And deal with them accordingly. Exercise helps relieve stress. I know you aren't supposed to exercise before going to bed, but last night I did my back, hip, and core exercises. It relieved stress in my muscles and throughout my body and I was able to quickly go to sleep. I also could listen to some praise and worship music and worship along with it. What a great stress reliever.

6) Stop and ask myself what I am really hungering for and take it to the Lord in prayer. Drink a glass of water. Food should taste good and be good for me. If it doesn't taste good nor is good for me, I need to keep it out of my mouth.

Paul said we are fighting against the "world, the flesh and the devil".  My flesh seems to be my worst enemy as it demands attention and wants to sin. Paul also talks about beating our bodies into submission. He is not talking about abuse, but is reminding us that our bodies, our flesh, should not be our boss. The Olympic athletes have their bodies, their flesh in submission.  If I am neglecting my spiritual food, my flesh will rise up and be more and more demanding of physical food.

Lord, you are the bread of life; you are the living water.  Fill me with your Spirit, forgive me of my sin and where I stumble. Help me to remember that in times of temptations, in times of discouragement, I can run to you and you will rescue me; you will lift me up, and you will fill me. Thank you, Father.  Amen.

"Blessed are they who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they will be filled."  Matthew 5:6